On Monday I took out my tongue piercing in order to go to my pre-tonsillectomy appointment at the hospital. I tried to see if it would go back in afterwards but alas (alack, eheu), it would not. And now my mouth is feeling very empty. I keep going to play with it when I am bored but instead look like a twat as my tongue becomes entangled around my mouth. It's like saying goodbye to an old friend - perhaps not. Popped into th pub last night, after having dinner with some old school friends. Mike asked me if I would get it re pierced. My answer? Not unless they do it under the general anaesthetic when my tonsils are being ripped out.

I got my tongue pierced one year and three weeks ago. I was walking down the road at Bondi Junction, in Sydney, with Katie. We had been having a pampering, haircut, tan, eyebrows waxed, nice lunch sort of day in order to escape from our mental flat full of people. For some random and unknown reason, I turned around to Katie and said, 'I could get my tongue pierced now if I wanted'. Why I said this I do not know. The fact was I could get it done if I wanted. The real question was, did I want to. Her response was,'That's a good idea, I'll get mine done too'.

Five minutes later, we were in a salon with anaesthetic cream on our tongues. The cream tasted horrible. I know this because I ate most of it and, as a result, my tongue was far from numb. The tip of my tongue, numb as you like. The bit that was pierced, could feel it perfectly. I had to lie on a couch whilst a woman with no piercings (always slightly worrying) but a Doctor (that's reassuring) brandished a needle. My mouth was kept open with a big plastic thing, not dissimilar from a Hannibul Lector mask but with the reverse effect of holding my mouth open rather than closed. Plastic tweezer type things held onto my tongue as the woman spent about five minutes grappling around. It was not easy and it hurt like hell. When she managed to place the piercing in my tongue, she dropped the ball down my throat. I had to sit up and cough it up. Blood was splattering into my hand. if you have been drinking in the last 24 hours, your blood is thinner. I had a lot of blood. This was not a pleasant experience.

It was nice (and amusing) to see that side of some of my friends. One of which is the crudest person I have ever met, another is renowned for his rage, another is barred from the pub after he threw glasses at one of the barmen, all do copious amounts of Charlie. And all were transformed into little bundles of joy, idiots trying to make the baby smile whilst Molly lay oblivious to their intent. I strongly believe that a baby can cure the foulest of moods. Well, a baby that you can hand back when it starts to cry, needs nappy changing....